plowsof knaccc Since you offered substantial feedback on the animated video scripts (particularly video 1, which we are focussing on for now), I wanted to specifically invite you to have another look at the video 1 script after some modifications have been made. You can also have a look at the state of the open issues and weigh in there. I believe I have scraped all comment from Reddit and elsewhere, if they pertained to the

script, and addressed them all there.

gitlab.com/monero-videos/monero-adoption-animated-videos/-/issues

At the same time, I'd like to invite everyone else here to have a look at the script and consider sharing some thoughts and feedback, or even submit a direct merge request. We are focussing on video 1 but you can see the other videos scripts here as well, to provide context.

🙈 not any better

Like 80% filler 5% content 15% incorrect

> In the next video, we will show you how to set up a Monero wallet or account

Account? Nice and confusing.

> capitalising on the spending demand from consumers who want to make use of a currency _they already possess_

This is all pretty bad

Any constructive feedback also welcomed

Apologies but its badly written

The info is bad, the English is bad, the sentence structure is bad, the message delivery is bad

This she's are big and are size 12 and Nike competes with Adidas to name them the Most comfortable shoes for comfort wearing.

s/she's/shoes/

Was there anything you did like?

Monero also includes many of the benefits of electronic payment systems, including ease of use, security against theft, and no physical units to count or store.

Repeating monero over and over is painful

Cant watch 5 videos with livery 3-5 tines per paragraph

With monero* 3-5 times* per paragraph

ofrnxmr[m]: ^ this is likely the most accurate and well written line.

ofrnxmr[m]: Thanks, this is actionable. Will make more use of 'it' instead of 'Monero', or else otherwise reformulate a sentence to obviate the need to use the word.

But dont DL this..

"Monero is great. When using the coin it is secure. It is also called a cryptocurrency, and is one of the most important forms of exchange"

Perfectly fine to use "Monero" when it fits, also ok to use XMR in other places

X in XMR is for international currency standards

> In the simplest terms, Monero is a payment network that anyone can use for free. More specifically, Monero is a free open source software protocol

Repeats im the first 2 sentences

"Its free, and guess what? Its also free"

> <@ofrnxmr:monero.social> But dont DL this..

>

> "Monero is great. When using the coin it is secure. It is also called a cryptocurrency, and is one of the most important forms of exchange"

Not following here. Also, is there anything in particular you can say that irks you about the sentence structure? Too long, too complex...?

Isn't that kind of repetition used on purpose?

Too "use as many filler words as possible"

Its not correct

Even if repetition is meant to ve used as a tool, the information has to be correct

oh ok the two kinds of 'free' are getting mixed...

Free and open source as a different statement? Ol

But its free and its free open source

> <@ofrnxmr:monero.social> > In the simplest terms, Monero is a payment network that anyone can use for free. More specifically, Monero is a free open source software protocol

>

> Repeats im the first 2 sentences

Yes true, but the word free is used in two different senses here. First is 'gratis', second is 'libre'. And as as2333 says, repetition is often used to help establish an idea for newcomers.

"Its hot. Its also hot and spicy. Its also hot and spicy and tasty"

ofrnxmr[m]: ^

free _and_ open source =/= free open source

Libre =/= free, free =/= libre

First sentence talks about price, seconds seems tl talk about price again, adding open source.

This should only be one sentence

> More specifically, Monero is a free open source software protocol for economic coordination, through payment processing.

I have tl assume English isnt a first language here

I did go through all of the initial scripts..

I hate to complain and not contribute fixes..

s/Ol/Ok./

<ofrnxmr[m]> "I hate to complain and not..." <- Complaining is no problem. However, it brings us closer to (I assume) our shared goal of getting a great video out of this if the complaints are actionable and specific. For example, 'the English is bad' is less helpful than 'you stand to gain more clarity from brevity', etc.

Anyway, how about we simplify that first bit about Monero into one sentence: "Monero is a free, open-source payment system for secure and private economic transactions"

"Economic"

Why do you have to ruin the sentences by stuffing them with fluff

And its free and open source

"Payment system" for "economic transactions"

Like.. how many times can you say the same thing

Its like shoes, for feet

Maybe outsource the scripts...

Ask some English student to rewrite it

Or some wnglish marketing company

angry person

<ofrnxmr[m]> "Ask some English student to..." <- The content has undergone many reformulations, and I can see that the English quality has suffered somewhat as a result. The repetitions are an example. It helps to get fresh eyes on it. I will also be seeking feedback from people outside of the Monero community, since this is the target perspective after all. I appreciate your high standard for quality, despite your blunt manner

of speaking.

Need me ? Got an invite

<ofrnxmr[m]> "Why do you have to ruin the..." <- I

<ofrnxmr[m]> "Or some wnglish marketing..." <- I'd like to see your proposals for the actual edits. to the script. You can comment it on GitLab and/or reddit so we don't lose it. It's a community-driven process, so it would be an awful idea in my opinion to give this task to some third party.

Im fine with whoever can write a good script

Monerokon used fivver for the logo. < this is a better example of when it should have been pitched to the community first

<ofrnxmr[m]> "Monerokon used fivver for the..." <- That's why we're pitching everything in here, on reddit and on GitLab I guess

thank you for reaching out savandra and dsmlegend , this is exactly what is needed, i have some housekeeping to do but will offer feedback when i can 👍️

<plowsof11> "thank you for reaching out..." <- Thanks! I can give it a try on polishing things up after the core of the script is agreed upon

<plowsof11> "hopefully endor00 can share..." <- Sorry, wasn't home this weekend. Haven't made any progress so far unfortunately, since I'm still dealing with the same shit that's slowing me down - hoping that changes soon. I'm actually working right now on adding support for multiple nodes in the configuration, so that the software doesn't stop if the node used goes down (like the supportxmr node that the CI used for testing stuff).

thanks for the update endor00 👍️

Not sure the context, but it appears that mj has a fundraiser open to reimplement the dev fee

Are / were you made aware if that endor00: or can you give any details

Yeah, I saw that. I haven't talked with him since the whole debacle, so I was not aware of his intentions. As far as I'm concerned, I have no intention of adding such "features" in my code, full stop.

the audacity to ask for funding to add a dev tax lol

He added it before so he already has the code ready for it too

Lmao. Yeah, hes asking to ve paid to charge hisbcustomwrs for a feature hes already written

Wow

yikes

The CCS is offline for some un-planned maintenance, will be back up asap after the bread is replaced from the toaster its being hosted on 🙏